Fundamentals of Emotional Intelligence

What is emotional intelligence?

The term emotional intelligence was coined in the 1990s by Peter and John D. Mayer, who described it as “a form of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and other’s feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and action”.

In 1995, Daniel Goleman, a science writer for the New York Times, specialising in brain and behaviour research and being trained as a psychologist at Harvard School, became aware of Peter and John D. Mayer’s work, eventually leading to his international bestseller “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.”.

Since the book’s publication, businesses have begun to discuss the concepts, Harvard Business Review calls it “the key to professional success.”. Schools, hospitals, and government agencies worldwide are adopting EQ practices. From elementary school students to army officers, a curriculum of emotional awareness is providing a new perspective on people. With over 5 million copies in print in 30 languages, Goleman was right: The world was ready to learn about this powerful concept.

What makes emotional intelligence so appealing? According to Goleman, one key benefit is that “emotional intelligence can help people make better decisions.” This increased effectiveness is invaluable for business, essential for education, and transformational for personal life.

The components of emotional intelligence

Daniel Goleman references in his book the 5 key components as follows:

Self-awareness

If one’s aware, she can observe her own patterns of behaviours and motives. She will then be able to see the impact on her emotions and those around her, for better or worse. More importantly, she can give her feelings a name when they arise, not just be sad or happy and understand what triggers them. Being self-aware also means one’s ability to identify strengths, realise their limitations, and show humility when learning.

Example:

• Scenario: One studied hard and hoped to win the Dean’s Award from your university, but another student got it instead of her.

• High self-awareness:  One reflects and realises that even though she worked hard towards the award-winning, she might not have participated in enough extracurricular activities as proof of social engagement. So, her schoolmate’s win is well-deserved.

• Low self-awareness: One may fire off an angry email to her school Manager, demanding an explanation and threatening to appeal.

Self-regulation

The next step is to learn how to regulate self-emotions. That said one needs to learn when to pause and control impulses. Thinking before acting and considering the consequences will contribute to better conflict management and environmental adaptation.

Example:

• Scenario: A person is in a meeting, and a boss criticises his work in front of other co-workers.

• High self-regulation: He remains calm and politely excuses himself to process his emotions in a safe space.

• Low self-regulation: He may become excessively defensive and storm out of office.

Internal Motivation

There are two forms of motivation, intrinsic and extrinsic. A person who is intrinsically motivated will have a pursuit for personal growth and development. Whereas, extrinsic rewards such as money, fame, status or recognition are usually short-term and do not last long.

Example:

• Scenario: One got promoted in the workplace and posted about it on social media.

• High motivation:  One is proud of their achievement and shows appreciation for any support he receives.

• Low motivation: One feels that his accomplishment is worthless because the post doesn’t have many “likes”.

Empathy

If one has empathy, one can understand where someone is coming from. Even though the exact scenario hasn’t happened to them, one can draw on their life experience to gauge how it feels and be compassionate about what others are going through. From another perspective, being empathetic means being slow to judge others on their mistakes and possessing the awareness that they have done their best under the given circumstances.

Example:

• Scenario:  An employee told her boss that she feels unheard since her work idea was rejected without any feedback.

• High empathy: The boss senses the employee’s resentment and promptly arranges a private discussion of why it happens and agrees on finding a better way to get both needs met.

• Low empathy: The boss ignores how the employee feels and treats it as a normal case.

Social skills

Enhancing social skills is all about learning how to work in teams in an interdependent and interconnected environment. To demonstrate one’s strong social skills, one is welcoming in conversation, using active listening, eye contact, verbal communication skills and open body language. Beyond that, one knows how to build rapport with others and express leadership if the occasion calls for it.

Example:

• Scenario: One attended a meeting ending with a lengthy and no-end presentation from a co-worker.

• High social skills: One remains respectful to his co-workers by paying attention, asking questions and actively listening to the presentation.

• Low social skills: One finds it hard to be awake, show his boredom and be distracted by phone use.

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Value and benefits of emotional intelligence

Research suggests that people with higher EQ tend to perform better than those with lower EQ in terms of personal, physical and mental health, and professional success. Those who exhibited higher levels of EQ are reported to cooperate well with others, developing affectionate and more satisfying relationships as well as greater social skills in general.

Schools have started to cultivate the benefits of EQ in their teaching program, with an emphasis on the idea that emotionally intelligent children grow up to become emotionally intelligent adults. Proficiency in EQ has become an integral part of intense areas such as nursing, social work, the service industry and management roles.

Using emotional intelligence to deal with stress

In contrast to the positive outlook of office workers, working professionals are often the ones having high-intensity levels of stress given their workload, long working hours, performance-tracking progress and fear of missing out (FOMO).

Healthcare professionals aren’t better, if not one of the worst regarding self-care. They are trained hard to give focus to patient but it’s easy to dismiss their own needs. Doctors and nurses often neglect eating, sleeping and even using the bathroom. Therefore, from the perspective of emotional intelligence, self-attention and self-care are essential so that healthcare workers can continue to help and serve.

Awareness is the first step, regular self-check-in is among various reflective activities one can take to shift their emotional state toward calmer. Practice mindfulness and compassion are important here too. Sleep, good nutrition and exercise will help one stay resilient. Finally, getting connected with trusted friends, coaches or mental health professionals to call for support whenever needed can be invaluable in navigating everyday life.

Research in the world of emotional intelligence has shown that anyone who pays close attention to their emotional lives will tend to remain effective and healthy themselves, especially in times of crisis. In the context of leadership roles, the payoff from higher emotional intelligence among leaders is correlated with higher trust among team members, higher level of job satisfaction and less physical burnout.

References

Ackerman, C.E 2023, The importance of emotional intelligence: value and benefits, PositivePsychology.com. available at <https://positivepsychology.com/importance-of-emotional-intelligence/#value-benefits>.

Druskat, V.U and Wolff, S.B 2001, ‘Building the emotional intelligence of groups’, Harvard Business Review, available at <https://hbr.org/2001/03/building-the-emotional-intelligence-of-groups>.

Joshua, F 2024, Goleman and emotional intelligence: what he actually said, Six Seconds, available at <https://www.6seconds.org/2024/02/29/goleman-emotional-intelligence/>.

Klasko, S.K 2020, ‘How health care workers can take care of themselves’, Harvard Business Review. available at <https://hbr.org/2020/05/how-health-care-workers-can-take-care-of-themselves>.

Matthews, G, Zeidner, M & Roberts, R.D 2012, ‘Emotional intelligence: consensus, controversies, and questions’, Frontiers in Psychology, 3, p. 861, available at <https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4085815/>.

Practical Emotional Intelligence n.d., History of EQ (emotional intelligence), Emotional Intelligence Course, available at <https://www.emotionalintelligencecourse.com/history-of-eq/>.

Susan, W 2024, ‘What do we really know about emotional intelligence?’, Psychology Today, available at <https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/202407/what-do-we-really-know-about-emotional-intelligence>.